oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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