i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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