I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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