so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize