He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
