Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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