just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
