somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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