oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
