im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize