At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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