I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
