woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
