she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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