New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
