why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
