I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i love accidental penises.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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