I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
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