I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
