i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
