I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
