I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
