the condom got lost in my hair
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
