how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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