a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
vagina is talking i cant
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
