Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
