Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
