chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
