whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
