My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
