Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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