Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
