what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
we're so committed to being not committed
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
