i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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