The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
