she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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