i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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