Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
