I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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