JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
