FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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