why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
