so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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