her facebook's as public as her vagina
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
