So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
