Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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