I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
