I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Randomize
