weddingsv make me drug and hornr
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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