In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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