She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Randomize
