guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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