I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
