you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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