I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
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