HIV tests are more positive than that guy
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
