There is no way he is gay with that hair.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
