I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
