If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
