Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
