I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
