i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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