somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
