Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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